Think about this. One in four people suffer from mental illness. That’s not a bad day or a rough patch, that’s a real condition that needs to be treated and requires backing from friends, family and specialist support.
Although many of them will not suffer from an illness, almost everyone experiences challenges with their mental health at some point. So what if you knew not only how to look after yourself, but how to recognise the signs when someone you care about is struggling or having a hard time? Those are some pretty good life skills that can make a difference and prevent someone from having some serious struggles.
Promoting good mental health is important to me. I’m the Mental Health and Wellbeing Lead for the Welsh Rugby Players Association where we’ve started a Resilience for Rugby programme. I’ve also started my own business Living Well with Lloyd Ashley that you can find on Instagram at @LivingWellwithLloydAshley. It launched in March and, well, with the pandemic its purpose became even more meaningful.
Uncertainty has the potential to be a killer when it comes to individuals mental health and eight months ago none of us knew what was coming or what to expect. The unknown creates anxiety for everyone. As rugby players, we suddenly had our routines taken away. Our safe space of the training ground that we rely on for social interaction and friendship also removed from our day-day lives.
Clearly, everyone else was dealing with their own situations – people were worried about getting sick, their jobs and possibly losing loved ones.
Speaking from a rugby perspective, early new year up to March can bring quite a lot of anxiety when guys are looking to renew contracts, especially when you hear about other players being signed up to the club. Often, stories appear in the media about players’ futures that are not true or are based on rumours.
These are some very obvious serious concerns around the pandemic, but you can’t dismiss the small things either. As rugby players we are used to having breakfast with 50 or 60 people each day and overnight it changed into just myself and my wife or I could be on my own. That’s a small part of the day, but a major change in daily interactions and support networks for any individual.
One of the keys to coping from a mental health perspective was keeping everyone in contact and getting the right information out. I have to give so much credit to the WRPA, the Ospreys and the Welsh Rugby Union for looking after us. My wife was pregnant with twins and there were many others with partners who were expecting. They gave us great information throughout lockdown and when we returned to training so we could make the right decisions for our families.
Technology helped us a lot, too. I don’t think there is anyone who didn’t do a Zoom quiz at some point! Fair play to Tim Jones at the WRPA for creating a sense of community among the players. At Ospreys, our S&C coach Simon Church would put on extra sessions via Zoom, which also created another sense of togetherness. But when you’re not around each other it’s hard to know how people are feeling away from the screens.
When you see someone in the flesh you can read body language, mood and humour – that’s difficult to do over a video call or in a WhatsApp message. I was inspired to get my introduction to counselling qualifications from the experiences I had with former team-mates.
Guys would be retiring and they’d say how much they were looking forward to it - when you knew they weren’t. Or injuries would be occurring that could affect players careers but instead of speaking they’d brush it off. As a friend you knew that these guys weren’t expressing how they really felt. You could tell it was a mask, but at the time I didn’t understand how to support breaking this barrier down.
We all know the cliches around rugby and the macho image that is portrayed. We are trained to be impervious on the pitch and that expectation subconsciously transfers off the pitch, too. ‘Be bulletproof, don’t show weakness’.
We need to move on from the ‘It’s okay to not be okay’ conversation to pro-actively creating environments and spaces where we can express ourselves or share the weight of anything that’s troubling us. In rugby, we’re learning to put the person before the player and I believe that should be a learning for any profession.
Our sport exposes us to the learning of so many core values around team work and supporting each other, it’s vital that we ensure players leave rugby with skillsets not only to look after themselves, but to help support and educate others about addressing mental health as a positive action.
Each player leaves the professional arena at a different stage. You might not get out of an academy, you may retire early, you may not become an international player or the next superstar, but we need to send these guys back to their communities with the information to ensure they can support themselves and those around them, not just to play rugby but to cope with the strains sport and life can place on our mental health.
I was really impressed withAshton Hewitt's message about everyone educating themselves on how to combat racism so they can share their learnings with less understanding people. I read how Kelly Brown overcame his stammering problem to be captain of his country. Their messages show how just learning about an issue can make a difference. Their experiences also show how rugby is not just a game for all shapes and sizes, but for all walks of life no matter what challenges you face.
With the right knowledge we can make life easier for ourselves and those we care about. Don’t be afraid to talk about your mental health and don’t be afraid to help someone who is struggling either. Sometimes, all it takes is a safe space, a cup of coffee and a chat.
If we carry on this conversation, the stigma can’t last much longer
Be part of the solution and feel better, follow @LivingWellwithLloydAshley